the totality of a blankness which once was full, 2024

My grandfather passed away recently. The final months of his life were dominated by his dementia. This was both my first grandparent to pass away as well as my first confrontation with memory loss. The idea that one’s own life could slip away, wiping them of their own sense of self horrified me. I wrote the narration first as a way to grapple with my last times seeing my grandfather, witnessing how my own selfishness to prevent his memories from disappearing actually had a reverse effect, trapping him in a present state of loss and confusion.

For the animation, I layered archival photographs of my grandparents’ various travels. The images change slowly at first, then flash across the screen when my grandfather repeats the sentence: How can I do that? This quick display of images mimics the concept of one’s life “flashing before their eyes” at the verge of death. The memories are too quick to make out, abstracted and stripping them of meaning. Subtitles are hand-written by me in pencil, diary-like in their vulnerability.